Sorry for being an enigma

Sorry for being an enigma

Attitudes change and people don’t.

But I’m not the same any more though.

I’m being an enigma,

Sorry for being so.

I’d rather care less than care too much.

I’d rather not wither at every touch.

If that means being empty inside,

So be it.

Someday when it’s too late,

I’ll just cry over it.

I’m not being heartless, no.

I’m just being an enigma.

So sorry for being so.

I want to to hold you close,

But I’ll ask you to leave me alone.

Sometimes the world is perfect

When you’re here,

Sometimes it’s just fear

That brings out tears

That everything I hold dear

Will someday fade away.

Sorry for being an enigma.

So sorry for being this way.

Attitudes change and people don’t.

But I’ll never be the same two days in a row.

I’m just being an enigma,

And I’m sorry for being so.

It's dumb and will be. Jab tak hai jaan.

If you got vegetables and spices, you can chop them up and make a salad. Or you can make Ratatouille. Jab Tak Hai Jaan is vegetable salad served just like that. It has an unhealthy dose of nauseating romance, tears, song and dance. And of course.. Lots of vitamin M poured in.

With a story and cast like that he could have done so much more, but no; Yash Chopra chose to serve this story raw and unpolished, a collage of all the cliches he previously created. What could have ended in an hour and a half and made people smile in the end, was dragged to a full three hours and made the audience take naps and set high scores in a few video games, waiting to escape from the same old drama, heartbreak and cheesy dialogues. There was Anushka Sharma in the same old tomboy role. Katrina Kaif in the pretty Barbie doll role and King Khan striking his signature pose at every opportunity available. 

Let’s start from the beginning. Major Samar Anand is the chief of the Indian army bomb diffusion squad. He’s so daring he doesn’t even want to wear a safety suit while diffusing bombs. He just digs into the bomb and pokes around and voila! Bomb diffused! How? Oh come on.. He’s the hero. He’ll always choose the right wire to cut. 

Enter Akira Rai- Documentary filmmaker for Discovery channel, completely down to earth, bold and daring enough for two men put together. And of course, as per norm, she is completely devoid of girly emotions like love and romance. A girl who doesn’t remember crying in her whole life, she finds out about the most touching love story of Major Samar Anand. 

Now we dive into the memories of Samar, where the typical love story between him and Meera begins. There’s always a rich girl asking God for a handsome husband, and a poor guy working double shifts, and a richer fiancé who has no idea what’s going on. She’s usually good at acting in her own charming way, but Meera in the movie sounds like a dumb rich kid who did not really have to be smart to get her work done. And Samar, talented and bursting with energy, teaches her how to live life and use her brains more than her impeccable manners. The poor Samar sweeps her right off her feet. She’s torn between obeying her father and following her heart. She ends up dumping him, and don’t worry about spoilers here because why else would Samar be in the Indian army ten years later trying so hard to die? 

But Akira finds the story amazing, cries for it and marvels at her tears. So obviously, being a filmmaker, she goes after him to get a story. Well, I guessed that an hour before it happened.

When after 90 sleepy minutes there was an interval we had nothing to wait for in the next half. All the bearable songs were already over, we had had enough of Samar’s bike and uniform and wondered who designed Katrina’s clothes to make her look fat with beefy legs. Music was a little disappointing; most songs sounded stale and easy to forget. We had no idea, that the second half will actually have a story and it will be a game called “I know what will happen next”. 

Jab Tak Hai Jaan has two reasons to become a huge hit. One is that it was the last one by the legend and people will ‘respect’ it, and second is the Anushka Sharma in shorts and plunge-neck dancing around the army camp. I have new respect for YC who made his signature so strong in his movies that any given scene can be identified as a ‘typical’ Yash Chopra work. That is what his final movie will be. Typical. With all due respect, 2 on 5.

Silence inside...........

The sky full of fireworks..

And the silence inside.

A second-long laughter just died.

Within those dry lips,

I thousand screams hide

And prowl about

Flitting across the eyes, in and out

Like little sparks of fury…

But I’m already burned out.

I’m already beaten numb

Already swept clean

Pinched dry

Erased

Of all those tiny little joys.

Now all I hear is noise

Of those beautiful fireworks outside,

And the numb silence inside.

Chakravyuh!

I really cannot decide what disturbed me more in the movie- the repeated gunshots and eye-for-eye game of murders, or the fact that it’s all true. Prakash Jha’s Chakravyuh has a name befitting the story. You can go in but then never come out. 

The story begins with a bloody massacre of policemen by Naxals in the forests of Nandighat, a region ruled by the rebels. In spite of all the dangers of merely being in the region, SP Adil Khan (Arjun Rampal) agrees to be posted in the region where someone’s always planning to kill him. Adil is the righteous policeman who couldn’t care less about his own safety, always puts duty first and listens to no one. Not his wife (Esha Gupta), nor his childhood friend Kabir (Abhay Deol). 

At this point I began to notice how ruggedly handsome Arjun Rampal looks in uniform. But again, back to the story. Mr.Righteous Khan dares to go to villagers governed by Naxals and give them the idea that they can actually live without fear of being killed! (How outrageous!) The Naxals led by Rajan (Manoj Bajpayee) are not happy, and killing the SP goes first on their to-do list. They almost succeed too. 

But then enter Kabir. With his casual charm and adorable voice (that guy can make anything sound cute!) he presents Adil with an alternate plan to tackle the issue. Send Charming Mr.Dimples to the Naxal group to be their Comrade, and get them to trust him enough to share all their information and he can keep the police informed of all their movements, make their capture sound like a children’s game of hide and seek. 

The plan actually works; Kabir the Abhimanyu gets into the Chakravyuh with his conversational skills and intelligence, after he breaks a policeman’s nose, gets shot a couple of times and wanders ‘unintentionally’ into the forest. Within no time he is Comrade Kabir, stealing information from the camp and passing it on to Adil, while stealing glances at Juhi (Anjali Patil). 

All is going well with the plan, and Adil audaciously boasts in front of the media that he has developed Intelligence that knows everything the Naxals are up to. Meanwhile Kabir is busy getting close to his comrades, understanding their ways, and falling in love with Juhi. Slowly, from Kabir's view we discover the horrific truth and the reason behind this bloody mutiny, and all the questions it raises in Kabir’s mind. For the first time in life he has to choose between right and wrong, and he can’t. 

The actors have done a fine job of portraying the serious situation, while Manoj Bajpayee especially excels in his role as Rajan. He is not evil; he does not enjoy the violence. He is agitated of being cheated and deprived of a good life since birth, and is simply fighting for it. Arjun Rampal is one of the few actors who can don the police attire and pull it off, and does a great job with it. Abhay Deol, as I said before, makes everything sound cute even if he is seriously threatening to kill someone. But still, he is a wonderful actor and suits the role. Meanwhile Esha Gupta, as a policewoman, as a policeman’s wife and a Naxalite’s best friend, does nothing much but pout. But that’s okay; Anjali Patil makes her presence felt loud enough for both the women. 

Prakash Jha has portrayed the issue of Naxalism without taking stand for or against any side.  The film boldly raises questions like are all Naxals evil killers, and captures the emotional turmoils of youngsters who are so agitated with the system that they are forced to pick up the gun and yell Lal Salaam! For someone who studies the subject, the movie almost speaks their mind. For someone who has no idea what lies beyond their own little urban world, the issue is explained from scratch to make sure it is understood.

All in all, the movie is a complete package of suspense, romance and some statistics and bitter truths about our troubled country. India has entered and is stuck within this Chakravyuh of Naxalism, and still does not know how to come out. 

Rating: 3.5/5

Blink

Blink

And there is a footstep I could follow.

Blink

And now there is just snow.

Blink

And there is a flash of light.

Blink

And it’s darker even more.

Where’s my big revelation

That I had a heartbeat ago?

Why, now, is everything dark,

And filled with snow?

Yesterday I complained,

Of a room too bright, a sweater too warm and light

Of soup too tasty and bread to fluffy and white!

Today I sit, cold and confused

Alone, my unhappy mind left loose.

I muse

About yesterday and all that I had,

“How imperfect it was, so bad!

How could I be happy?

I have so much to lose!”

Blink

And I had it all, but I complain.

Blink

And I lose it all and complain again.

Blink

And the light and footprints disappear,

Blink

And I’m left clueless again.

(This is just the sensible part of my mind yelling at the other, whiny unhappy part of my mind.. nothing too serious!)

Dialogues in my head

“What would it take to get

That hint of a smile on your face,

That twinkles of your eye stand out in the haze?”

“It is already there, don’t you see?

A wall of indifference

Is all that’s between you and me”

“It’s not what’s there, but what is not.

But I sure sense a lost happy-song

That’s gone for I wonder how long..”

“Read me for what I say, read me for what I do.

But my happy-song only plays

In my happy place, unknown to you!”

“Give me a smile that lights up the room,

Give me a giggle that jingles like chimes,

Give me a laugh that so mesmerizing that

I may forget to rhyme!”

“Quit searching me for answers,

And for scattered joy.

Just don’t ask me why.

Ask me if I’m fine, don’t wait for a reply.

Quit trying to read me,

That’s all I want you to do.

Because the happy-song I lost,

Plays in my happy place unknown to you!”

My shoes, your shoes

Yesterday I was going ga-ga over pretty peep-toes and pumps, craving for new shoes. Today somehow the same word directed to a different conversation in my head. Going through this post and a friend of mine reacting to it in her blog, it got me thinking. 

There was a time when we humans were all kind, and selfless, and considerate of each other. I’m not good with dates so I don’t know when exactly that was. But now, all said and done, to be kind to someone we have to stand in their shoes and empathise. And I’m sorry, but others’ shoes don’t fit me at all! I wear my own pair of soiled grimy ones and I like to complain!

Complaining comes easily, while shopping for groceries, driving in maddening traffic, hiring an auto in the city, standing in a queue…….! Does this list ever end? Every shoe comes with an opinion; mine came with a burning hate for auto drivers, buses, bikes, cars, pedestrians, cyclists, gift shop owners, customer service…! We have been cheated or annoyed by everyone, and we are on a life’s mission to get even with each one. Kindness is absolutely jobless here!

For example, I go back home from work every day by car (which my dad drives), around 6:30 in the evening. That is when all offices close, buses are crowded, kids cycle back home from tuitions, and people take evening walks in the dust. And the relationship between my father and me is such that, while other little princesses give their dads nice teddy bear hugs, we express our love by complaining about the traffic. Every evening. 

“Look at those bikers speeding! They could get hit and they don’t care!”

“It’s such a big car in such a small road!”

“These pedestrians have no sense of discipline! They just cross the road like we’re invisible!”

And last but not the least..

“Why the high beams??? You’re not on a highway!!”

Well, I stand by the last one. But when I go on a bike I prefer to squeeze between the heavy vehicles and speed away, not bothering about the big cars stuck in a jam. If there is a slight mishap, everyone yells at everyone, when it takes hardly a minute to say “Sorry” and move on. When I’m crossing the street I expect a speeding car to wait for me. Honk more than once and I would be all “Oh Mr.Big Shot had a car and wants everyone out of his way! This is not your street and I’m not moving faster for your sake!” 

I’m just saying, I’m in my shoes and it is really comfortable. I refuse to try on everyone’s hoes and be kind to every person a meet, because then I will never have my way!

So bottom line- yes it is tough to be kind. I wish it was easier. I wish we could wash all that filth out of our shoes…. I wish it was that simple..!

A tiny love story

“Will I find my dream guy?” 

“You don’t have to. He’ll call you” said the guy.

She laughed and hung up.

Her phone rang. It was him again.

"Hello?"

“See, I told you he’d call” said the guy.

And that’s... How I met your mother